Speedy Gonzales

So after 6 years of driving in this country, I finally get pulled over... Good looking female cop comes up and asks for my licence, registration and insurance...

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ?
Me: ***Oh hell yeah, I do*** Not really officer
Cop: You made an illegal U turn. There were multiple signs saying "No Turns"
Me: ***Illegal ? Really ? We are supposed to obey those signs ? I thought those were driving suggestions*** I'm sorry officer, I did not see the signs. I was talking to my friends

Cop: Where are you coming from and where were you going?
Me: We just came out of that bar there. I am headed home, as soon as I drop my friends off
Cop: Oh, so you are the designated driver for your friends. Thats nice
Me: ***Designated what?? In case you hadn't noticed, we are desis. We always travel like illegal mexicans stuffed into the back of a pickup truck*** Yes officer. I am the designated driver for tonite

Cop: Hows your driving record?
Me: Its perfect. Actually, this is the first time I've been pulled over
Cop: First time? So you have a clean record. Thats nice
Me: ***Clean? Umm... Err... Actually, its because I can usually spot an unmarked cop car from half a mile away. And if my friends hadn't been talking to me, I might have seen you too*** Yes, m'aam, I have a clean record

Cop: I'm sorry, but for this particular offence, I must give you a ticket. But in light of our conversation and since you have been nice and polite, I'd be willing to put in a good word for you to the judge if you want to show up in court
Me: ***Couldn't you just give me your phone number instead? I wonder how "nice and polite" I would have been had it been a male cop?*** Thank you officer

I looked down at the ticket... Two points and 135 bucks... Damn !!

Terror in Mid Air ?

LAX Control, this is Frontier Airlines Flight One-Six-Eight Heavy... We are declaring an emergency... We have lost cabin pressure... Requesting immediate landing clearance...

To all aircraft on landing approach, this is LAX Control... Maintain holding pattern, ten thousand feet... Flight One-Six-Eight, you are cleared for landing, runway Four-Niner...

Okay, so it wasnt really an emergency... The cabin failed to pressurize at 5,000 ft, not at 30,000 ft... So it turned out to be much less dramatic than I had hoped... The oxygen masks didnt even drop down... And the flight landed smoothly after circling LAX for two hours to burn off fuel...

Curse my karma... My life's so boring.... Nothing exciting ever happens...